I am a warrior.

I never considered myself a warrior. A worrier, absolutely and undoubtedly – but never a warrior. As is true for most of us in life, I have experienced my share of traumas in all shapes and sizes, each one leaving behind an emotional battle scar. The scars run deep, dictating my beliefs about myself and imprinting upon my inner voice.

Truth be told, the greatest war I’ve ever fought is the one with myself. Most of us fight similar wars, except we call it Healing. I have battled with not being pretty enough; not thin enough; not a good enough mother or lover; not a strong enough yogi or writer, not knowledgeable enough, not caring enough. Never Enough.
Over and over, they attack. For many years of my life I didn’t fight back – I didn’t know that I could, or even that I should. I thought those voices were right – that I did not deserve to feel okay and I made choices in my life that proved them true. I did not understand that my inner voice was controlled by my scars.

At some point I found the practice of yoga. With yoga, came it’s teachings of love and acceptance. Slowly, I began questioning everything I thought I knew about myself. I started challenging the beliefs I had created, and fighting my way out.

Sometimes, I lose.

But each time that I push back, my heart heals a small scar. Each time my heart heals, the stronger it stands the next time.

Sometimes it feels like this war will never end – but for now I still stand, waving my sword of self-love and there are times when I have to summon every ounce of strength to lift it. It is those moments when the triumph feels the greatest. It is those moments when I am the fiercest warrior.

Submitted by Jessica Kilkus
Corona Chronicles, April 16, 2020